


i bloom so that no one can see

by cute_lil_fluff



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, jeonghan is a sad boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 15:14:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20342230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cute_lil_fluff/pseuds/cute_lil_fluff
Summary: Jisoo nods, but he seems to deflate at the same time, sinking further into Seungcheol's arms. He's being held, but he still looks lonely. "He said he was gonna go sleep." Jisoo's voice is soft and hesitant- he's worried, it's obvious. They're all worried. Seungcheol pulls him closer.





	i bloom so that no one can see

Minghao’s hair is so soft. Junhui’s fingers drift through it like they would through water, the dark strands silky and smooth. Playing with Minghao's hair is always soothing, like a plaything for his hands, and yet it can't seem to keep Junhui's brain occupied today. As his thoughts drift, his hands instinctively curl up until Minghao's roots are clenched in Jun's fists.  
  
Minghao yelps and pulls away from Junhui, spinning around to look up at the elder with a pout on his lips. Jun pulls himself back to reality, blinking quickly until he can focus on Minghao, who is sat on the floor by his feet.  
  
All of the members who aren't currently napping have piled into the living room for some much-needed family time. They'd put on a movie, but they've all seen it before and it's more like background noise as they catch up and snuggle and enjoy being in each other's space. A notable member is missing, though, and the absence is weighing on Jun's mind.  
  
"Junhui? What's with the death-grip on my head, huh?" Minghao asks, trying to sound petulant but his wide, worried eyes give away his concern. Junhui's hands reach out for him again as an apology, waiting for Minghao to shuffle back into the space between Jun's knees so that he can lean forward and curl around his boyfriend in a hug.  
  
"Sorry, I got distracted." He presses a line of kisses along Minghao's cheekbones as his fingers fuss over smoothing out the tangle that he had created. He can already tell that Minghao wants to ask him what's wrong, so he quickly interrupts. "Is Jeonghan-hyung alone in your room?" He asks, eyes meeting Jisoo's.  
  
Jisoo nods, but he seems to deflate at the same time, sinking further into Seungcheol's arms. He's being held, but he still looks lonely. "He said he was gonna go sleep." Jisoo's voice is soft and hesitant- he's worried, it's obvious. They're all worried. Seungcheol pulls him closer.  
  
With this new topic of conversation, the room falls silent. It's no joke when they say that Jeonghan is the glue of their group, he is what keeps them all together and happy and functional. He rarely shares his own fears and worries because he's so busy looking after everyone else. He's always looking after them, he never takes a day off.  
  
This is why his recent behaviour has been making everyone wary.  
  
The best way to describe it is just that he's been absent. He'll find any excuse to hole himself up in his room, avoiding anyone and everyone. Even when he is with them, he's silent and stoic, only speaking when he really, _really_ has too. It's so unlike his usual commanding personality, and it's definitely not a welcome change.  
  
He hasn't mentioned not feeling well to anyone, though, not even Jisoo or Seungcheol have managed to get him talking. Jeonghan can be stubborn when he wants to be, especially when he believes that spilling his thoughts will affect the mood of the entire group, which is almost unavoidable. He doesn't seem to realise that they are all there for him whenever he needs it, just like he is for them.  
  
Jisoo lets out a shaky sigh and turns his face into Seungcheol's shoulder. Just the possibility of his hyung crying spurs Jun into action.  
  
"I'm going to check on him," Junhui announces to the room as he gets to his feet. He takes a deep breath and meets Minghao's eyes to wrangle some courage. When Jisoo gives him a watery smile, he turns on his heel and all but marches down the corridor.  
  
Jeonghan is curled up on top of his duvet, arms wrapped around himself, shoulders shallow. He looks so small, and seeing him like this only serves to highlight how much weight he's lost in the previous weeks. Junhui has to blink tears away- he's hoping to all heavens that Jeonghan isn't sick.  
  
"Anyone in?" Junhui asks, rapping his knuckles against the doorframe. Jeonghan's eyes flutter open but Jun knows that he wasn't asleep. There's no way he would have woken Jeonghan up if he was sleeping.  
  
"Hi, Jun-Jun," Jeonghan says, fondness creeping into his voice, despite being quiet and flat. He sounds like he's balanced on the verge of passing out. Junhui smiles at him anyway, crossing the room in a matter of moments to perch beside him on his mattress. Jeonghan reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together in a tight knot. "Everything okay?"  
  
Junhui feels that familiar urge to curl himself into a ball and cling to his hyung, demanding cuddles and comfort, but he resists. Instead, he frowns. "I actually wanted to ask _you_ if you're doing alright." Suddenly, all of Jun's courage slips away. He feels like he's speaking out of place, like he's peering into someone else's business without permission. He pushes these thoughts away- Jeonghan may be private about his feelings, but Junhui is still allowed to check on him. He's not going to get told off for being worried. "You've seemed a bit down recently. I want to help."  
  
"I'm fine, bug," Jeonghan replies, even as he's beckoning Junhui closer and clinging onto his elbows. Jun scoots forwards to tug Jeonghan closer so that the elder is draped across his lap, arms wrapping lazing around his waist.  
  
"Talk to me, hyung," Junhui whispers. Jeonghan's only response is to bit his lip, press his face into Junhui's stomach, and burst into tears.  
  
With desperate hands, Junhui fights to pull him even closer, wrapping himself around Jeonghan completely, encasing him from the outside world. He'll admit he's thrown off- it's not often that Jeonghan cries, and he definitely doesn't do it in front of the kids. Jun is terrified, to say the least.  
  
"I've just been so tired," Jeonghan explains, words choked out between sobs. Junhui forces himself to settle down, lacing one hand into Jeonghan's messy locks, the other laying flat in the centre of his back, both stroking softly.  
  
"That's okay. That's alright." Junhui tries to soothe him, but Jeonghan isn't done yet. Jun drags him up a little so that Jeonghan is essentially sat in his lap, leaning against his chest. Sat like this, Junhui can hold him and rock him gently from side to side, his hyung's head hidden in his shoulder.  
  
"But, it's like- some days I just want to get into bed and never do another schedule ever again. But that's so _ungrateful_, you know, that I would want to give this up- but- but I could never do that to you boys, _you know that_-" Jeonghan is stuttering and tripping over his words. Junhui is trying his very best to keep his own sobs in his throat. He needs to be strong; he knows how to handle this.  
  
"You can't love your job all of the time. No one can."  
  
"I should." Jeonghan replies, stubbornly, hands fisting the fabric of Jun's T-shirt.  
  
"No. Being an idol is no different from being anything else. You're allowed to struggle without being ungrateful for where you are. You've worked for this." Jeonghan grows quiet, breathing softly as he mulls over Junhui's words.  
  
Jun lets himself be distracted by the rhythmic warmth of Jeonghan's breaths against his neck, short puffs of air every other second that remind him to indulge his own lungs' longing for oxygen.  
  
When Jeonghan pulls his knees up against his chest and relaxes in his dongsaeng's arms, Junhui knows that he's given in. At least for now. He hums, cupping a hand around the back of Jeonghan's neck and scratching at his skin with dull nails.  
  
"When did you grow up, huh? Where's my lanky teenager who needed tucking in at bedtime?" Jeonghan's choked voice has been replaced by one that is honey-sweet, dripping in fondness and only slightly hoarse. Even though he can identify Jeonghan's trick from a mile away- trying to distract them both from his moment of weakness- Junhui is happy to indulge him if it means keeping a smile on his hyung's face.  
  
"He's still here. I still need you Jeonghannie-hyung. But it's okay for you to need me as well." Junhui treasures Jeonghan. There's only a slim chance that he would have lasted his first few weeks as a trainee without Jeonghan there to hold his hand and stare at him with kind eyes and making him feel like he was welcome when he really didn't feel like he belonged. He would do anything for Jeonghan, anything at all. "You know that you can always talk to me."  
  
"I need to be strong."  
  
"You are strong. That doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to have bad days. Or bad weeks. Or to just feel bad sometimes." Jun can feel Jeonghan's frown against his skin, eyebrows furrowing. He doesn't complain, though. He probably doesn't have the energy to- Junhui can also feel the way he's trembling, exhaustion and uneasiness thrumming through his veins.  
  
Junhui gives him a moment to calm down before he speaks again. "Come on, isolating yourself in here isn't going to help anything. We're all out in the living room, come sit with us." Jeonghan leans back just far enough to look Jun in the eyes, lifting a hand to push his messy bangs behind his ear. Jun shivers- his fingertips are like ice.  
  
"Only if I can stay in my Jun-bug's lap." Junhui face breaks into a grin, ducking his head to nuzzles his nose against his hyung's.  
  
"Of course you can. And if you fall asleep, I'll make sure I get you to bed. I'll even tuck you in."

**Author's Note:**

> so after a quick break for some longer stuff, we are back to these short one-shots that i love so very much. i've been wanting to write something jeonghan focused for a while but i once again realise that i make everything about junhui. honestly, i'm not that upset about it
> 
> thanks for reading <3
> 
> [my tumblr](https://hattieie.tumblr.com)


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